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Salaams and Good Morning !

Here is your daily dose of Wisdom for Living Your Best Self!

The fallacy of change is another distortion which, even we recognize it, can be rather challenging to shift.

This pattern of thinking involves believing that we will be happy if people around us change to accommodate our wishes and desires. An outcome of this type of thinking is to expect that others will change if we just pressure or encourage them enough.

If I just nag my adult son enough, we may think, he will stop wearing un-ironed clothes. Or

If I gently (!) and sweetly tell my spouse that he should not watch so much football, or eat healthy, or cut his hair a different way, he should listen to my solid advice!

Instead of focusing on our own circle of control, we focus our energies on ‘encouraging’ others around us to change. Of course, it seems that the more enthusiastic we get about our agenda for others to change, the more they seem to resist our good advice!!

Now we do need to mention a huge caveat here: let’s be honest. The behaviour of those around us, especially those we care about, does impact our mental and emotional wellbeing. When we are in a close relationship or part of a team or a family, the wellbeing of each and every one depends upon the others in the group or the family.

If someone in the family is disrespectful, inconsiderate, mean, untruthful or stubborn, it will impact the rest of the family. And confronting the fallacy of change does not mean that we accept behaviour that is not acceptable. Nor does it mean that we accept abusive behaviour.

When someone's behaviour is truly causing distress, it is important to let them know rather than silently hold resentment in our hearts while they remain unaware. If our relationships are worth it to us, we do need to have the courage to hold each other accountable and ask for what we need in the relationship to be happy.

What it also means is that we keep asking ourselves

1)    How exactly is their behavior impacting us AND
2)    what WE can do about the situation (which may involve talking, requesting, taking action etc.)


Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace.
Warm blessings

Marzia  

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Please scroll down for a list of recommended books on building your emotional intelligence
 
 
 
 
 
Lots more resources on living your best self www.marziahassan.com

Have you listened to the podcast yet?
Family Connections Podcast

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns, MD
The good news is that anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem, and other "black holes" of depression can be cured without drugs. In Feeling Good, eminent psychiatrist, David D. Burns, M.D., outlines the remarkable, scientifically proven techniques that will immediately lift your spirits and help you develop a positive outlook on life.

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Dr. Daniel Goleman.
Touching on psychology and neuroscience, the expert on brain and behavioral sciences, Dr. Goleman explains the crucial skills for success offered by emotional intelligence that can determine your success in relationships and work and may impact your overall health.



Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves, and Patrick M. Lencioni.

One of the most famous on this topic, this book is focused more on ways to use EQ to improve your life. You’ll find a step-by-step program for increasing your emotional intelligence that focuses on four core skills: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, along with activities that will help you boost each of these areas.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.
The classic on self-growth, this book remains a top seller and go-to for millions around the world. Taking a less conventional approach to the subject, he isn’t focused on emotional intelligence per se, but rather presents a guide for anyone looking to better understand and control their emotions. The seven habits described in his book all require an awareness and control of emotional intelligence while teaching people how to become more proactive, a big-picture thinker, manage various interaction while building more effective communication.


The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationshipsby Jeanne Segal.
A great
resource for finding information on using emotional intelligence to build better relationships with just about everyone in your life. Segal lays out a simple step-by-step program on how to use five basic tools of emotional intelligence to enhance your relationships through better communication, reading non-verbal cues, and gaining skills at diffusing arguments and conflicts before they get out of hand.


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