[Daily Wisdom #631] How does gratitude help couples?

Salaams and Good Morning !

Here is your daily dose of Wisdom for Living Your Best Self!

Experts try to explain the link between gratitude & appreciation and marriage success by suggesting that gratitude can help relationships thrive by promoting a cycle of generosity. When one person is grateful, it is likely to prompt both spouses to think and act in ways that help them signal gratitude to each other and promote a desire to hold onto their relationships.

Here is how this cycle works:

When you feel more grateful –> You want to hold onto your relationship

Moments of gratitude help people recognize the value in their partners and a valuable partner is a partner worth holding onto. A number of studies have found that on days when people feel more appreciative of their partners than typical, they also report increased feelings of commitment to their relationships. And the benefits of gratitude are not just in daily life – the more grateful people are at the beginning of the study, the more committed they are nine months later. So it seems that feelings of gratitude are associated with a psychological motivation to maintain the relationship.

When you feel more grateful -> You work to hold onto your relationship

In addition to being more psychologically motivated to hold onto a relationship, experiences of gratitude also appear to promote behaviors that will help people hold onto their relationships. One particular study found that people reported being more thoughtful and responsive to their partners needs on days when they felt more grateful for their partners.

In another study couple were brought into the lab and talk about important topics in their relationships. Participants who were more grateful for their partners were observed as being more caring and attentive listeners to their partners during these discussions. Since research has shown that being a more thoughtful and attentive partner is key for promoting intimacy in relationships, these findings suggest that gratitude might help people gain and maintain that intimacy.

When you work to maintain relationship -> Your partner feels more appreciated

Recognizing you have a valuable partner and acting accordingly can help your partner feel more valued. When people feel more grateful, they signal those feelings to their partners through their behaviors. For example, when participants feel appreciated by their spouses, they tend to listen better to their spouses.

When your partner feels appreciated -> Your partner feels more grateful

This is how the circle of gratitude completes itself: When you appreciate your partner through gratitude, your partner becomes more grateful towards you. On days when people report feeling more appreciated by their partners, they experience increases in their own feelings of gratitude for their partners. And this makes sense right? We deeply appreciate and value those who value us and recognize our worth.

So the next time we find resentment creeping into our relationships, let’s focus our attention on valuing and appreciating our partner and thus start the cycle of gratitude.

Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace.

With gratitude

Marzia

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Please scroll down for a list of recommended books on Gratitude

Lots more resources on living your best self www.marziahassan.com

Have you listened to the podcasts yet?
Family Connections Podcast and Living and Loving the Quran.

Here are some of the episodes on Gratitude:

1) Practicing Gratitude during difficult times

2) Accessing peace through gratitude

3) Developing an attitude of gratitude

4) Exploring Gratitude

Some popular books on Gratitude:

Words of Gratitude for Mind, Body, and Soul by Robert Emmons and Joanna Hill

You will see Robert Emmons’ name several times on this list, and that’s no mistake. Dr. Emmons is a veritable force of nature in gratitude research, with a multitude of books and articles published on the subject.

Words of Gratitude is written in the sweet spot of tones, comfortably in between academic and intimate. While the authors outline some of the major gratitude research, it is described with minimal jargon in clean and simple prose. If you’re looking for a book that will work double duty, teaching you a few new things while also inspiring you to a gratitude-filled life, this is the book for you!

The Psychology of Gratitude by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough

Another favorite from Robert Emmons and fellow researcher extraordinaire Micheal McCullough, this book is perfect for students, professionals, or anyone interested in a more solid foundation in the theory, philosophy, and evidence surrounding gratitude as a psychological construct.

The Psychology of Gratitude draws from multiple perspectives and borrows from multiple fields to put together a comprehensive backstory for this hot research topic. You will learn about the theories behind gratitude, including from an evolutionary perspective, from a moral viewpoint, and even with a focus on physiology.

Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier by Robert Emmons

This is another book that aims to teach and inspire, and judging by the positive reviews, it has succeeded.

The author weaves in a little bit of gratitude research, some perspective from literature, psychology, religion, and anthropology, and finishes it all with a call to action on cultivating gratitude. This is a fantastic read for anyone who is looking to learn more about why gratitude can be such a life-changing addition, and how they can apply gratitude to their own life.

The Gratitude Diaries: How a Year Looking on the Bright Side Can Transform Your Life by Janice Kaplan

This New York Times bestselling book details one woman’s efforts to keep her New Year’s resolution of being more grateful and optimistic. Janice Kaplan, a journalist and the former Editor-in-Chief of Parade magazine, weaves academic research and evidence-based findings in with her own personal journey to present readers with an excellent reason to give gratitude a shot.

This book is an excellent choice for more casual readers interested in gratitude, as the tone is informal and accessible, but it also presents a message that everyone can benefit from receiving. If you’d like to join Kaplan on her gratitude journey, you can find the book on Amazon

Living Life as a Thank You by Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons

In Living Life as a Thank You, authors Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons think you can find a gift in whatever you’re given, even the bad. Saying thank you inspires daily feelings of love, compassion, and hope. This book presents a plan for those who want a little extra Thanksgiving in their lives.

Gratitude Works! by Robert Emmons

If you’re looking for a straightforward guide to cultivating a grateful mindset, Gratitude Works is a good place to start. The book pairs scientific findings with the philosophical, religious and spiritual reasons for gratitude. Full of tips, this book gives actionable steps for becoming more grateful.