Salaams and Good Morning !

Here is your daily dose of Wisdom for Living Your Best Self!

This week, we will are continuing our series on making and accepting apologies.

There are certain situations where even if you offer a sincere apology, it will not make things right.

If the offending behaviour has been long standing, deeply hurtful or damaging, or involves a betrayal of trust, the process of forgiveness will take some time.

Any instance of lying, cheating, breaking a confidence, failing to defend or not prioritizing the relationship would count as a betrayal which weakens the fabric of intimacy and the relationship.

There are of course, actions which are much more significant in terms of causing lasting hurt. These are major betrayals.

Here are some specific examples of "common" major betrayals that come to mind (there may be others of course):

- Taking money out of someone’s bank account without their knowledge.
- Hiding your financial situation such as debt or savings, your immigration status, your health status, your marital status, your educational status from someone who makes a decision based on the information you provide them.
- Having an addiction – gaming, pornography, substances  . . .
- Withholding the truth from a child about the fact that they are adopted or that they have other siblings from another relationship.
- Failing to stand up for your loved one and defend them while they are in a position of vulnerability.
- Having a relationship (emotionally or physically intimate) while married or committed to another.
- Having an uncontrolled temper which results in violence or abuse  

Any of the above or similar acts of betrayals will cause the world of the offended person to be rocked, shake their idea of reality and their ability to trust again (both others and themselves).

While the relationship may be able to be saved, it will take time, effort, patience, accountability, honesty and making amends. FOR A LONG TIME.

A simple apology is simply not enough in such a situation.

It can help to have realistic expectations about what the journey of forgiveness looks like in a situation like this and to get support on this journey. It is extremely hard to do this on your own.

And of course, be prepared to do the long and hard work to make things right.

If you value the relationship or your integrity that is.
Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace.
Warm blessings


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Lots more resources on living your best self

Have you listened to the podcast yet?
Family Connections Podcast

Here are some book recommendations on learning how to apologize

Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner PhD, Cassandra Campbell, et al.

Sorry About That: The Language of Public Apology. By Edwin Battistella

When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies by Lauren M. Bloom

Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust by John Kador

On Apology by Aaron Lazare

The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships by Beverly Engel

The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman

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