[Daily Wisdom #638] Don’t be a gratitude pest

Salaams and Good Morning !

Here is your daily dose of Wisdom for Living Your Best Self!

For the last several posts, we have mentioned several studies that support the benefits of a deliberate gratitude practice. But like other powerful interventions for increasing well-being, the practice of gratitude is complicated. We need to have a balanced view of it and recognize that while practicing gratitude for ourselves can bring about much positive change, pushing it on others may do the opposite.

Firstly, many people do not like others to tell them what to do. [Some in fact will do the opposite of what they are told to, just to prove a point . . . ] They specially cringe when they are trying to express dissatisfaction or negative feelings to us and we come up with "helpful" suggestions to make them feel better.

The suggestions to be grateful are usually in the form of:

"look on the bright side"

"consider how lucky they are"

"well at least . . . ."

"it could have been much worse . . . "

"you should be grateful that . . . "

When people hear such suggestions in the midst of an upset, their guard goes up. They start thinking that the other person really doesn’t get how upsetting this is for them and is dismissing their reality. Their brains are busy resisting what we are saying because they are focused on convincing us that what they are feeling and thinking matters.

So, the next time someone is sharing feelings or experiences, take a breadth and simply listen. Validate their emotions.

This is not the time to be a gratitude pest.

Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace.

With gratitude

Marzia

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Please scroll down for a list of recommended books on Gratitude

Lots more resources on living your best self www.marziahassan.com

Have you listened to the podcasts yet?
Family Connections Podcast and Living and Loving the Quran.

Here are some of the episodes on Gratitude:

1) Practicing Gratitude during difficult times

2) Accessing peace through gratitude

3) Developing an attitude of gratitude

4) Exploring Gratitude

Some popular books on Gratitude:

Words of Gratitude for Mind, Body, and Soul by Robert Emmons and Joanna Hill

You will see Robert Emmons’ name several times on this list, and that’s no mistake. Dr. Emmons is a veritable force of nature in gratitude research, with a multitude of books and articles published on the subject.

Words of Gratitude is written in the sweet spot of tones, comfortably in between academic and intimate. While the authors outline some of the major gratitude research, it is described with minimal jargon in clean and simple prose. If you’re looking for a book that will work double duty, teaching you a few new things while also inspiring you to a gratitude-filled life, this is the book for you!

The Psychology of Gratitude by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough

Another favorite from Robert Emmons and fellow researcher extraordinaire Micheal McCullough, this book is perfect for students, professionals, or anyone interested in a more solid foundation in the theory, philosophy, and evidence surrounding gratitude as a psychological construct.

The Psychology of Gratitude draws from multiple perspectives and borrows from multiple fields to put together a comprehensive backstory for this hot research topic. You will learn about the theories behind gratitude, including from an evolutionary perspective, from a moral viewpoint, and even with a focus on physiology.

Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier by Robert Emmons

This is another book that aims to teach and inspire, and judging by the positive reviews, it has succeeded.

The author weaves in a little bit of gratitude research, some perspective from literature, psychology, religion, and anthropology, and finishes it all with a call to action on cultivating gratitude. This is a fantastic read for anyone who is looking to learn more about why gratitude can be such a life-changing addition, and how they can apply gratitude to their own life.

The Gratitude Diaries: How a Year Looking on the Bright Side Can Transform Your Life by Janice Kaplan

This New York Times bestselling book details one woman’s efforts to keep her New Year’s resolution of being more grateful and optimistic. Janice Kaplan, a journalist and the former Editor-in-Chief of Parade magazine, weaves academic research and evidence-based findings in with her own personal journey to present readers with an excellent reason to give gratitude a shot.

This book is an excellent choice for more casual readers interested in gratitude, as the tone is informal and accessible, but it also presents a message that everyone can benefit from receiving. If you’d like to join Kaplan on her gratitude journey, you can find the book on Amazon

Living Life as a Thank You by Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons

In Living Life as a Thank You, authors Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons think you can find a gift in whatever you’re given, even the bad. Saying thank you inspires daily feelings of love, compassion, and hope. This book presents a plan for those who want a little extra Thanksgiving in their lives.

Gratitude Works! by Robert Emmons

If you’re looking for a straightforward guide to cultivating a grateful mindset, Gratitude Works is a good place to start. The book pairs scientific findings with the philosophical, religious and spiritual reasons for gratitude. Full of tips, this book gives actionable steps for becoming more grateful.