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Salaams and Good Morning !

Here is your daily dose of Wisdom for Living Your Best Self!

Catastrophizing is perhaps my favourite cognitive distortion.

Here’s why:

It is rather amusing to watch someone to predict a negative outcome for something and then jump to the conclusion that if that negative outcome did, in fact occur, it would be total catastrophe. When we are seeing someone else do this, we can see the faulty logic and the giant leaps of assumptions that the person is making.

Of course, it is not so humorous when we are ourselves engaging in catastrophizing!

Catastrophizing happens in three steps:

1)   We worry about a situation
2)   We predict that a negative outcome is certain
3)   We then jump to the conclusion that if the negative outcome did in fact happen, it would be a catastrophe.

For example:

1)   We worry because our child is not studying that much.
We predict that they will fail the exam

We jump to the conclusion that failing an exam would be a catastrophe. That if they fail an exam, they will never get into higher learning, never get a good job and their life would be a total disaster. (Hopefully, this is sounding familiar to some desi parents who have told their children they will be barbers because they are watching TV!)

Of course, at this time, your child is thinking about all the successful people they have read about who have failed exams! They do not see much evidence of a catastrophe that you see as a forgone conclusion.

Catastrophizing can also lead to self-fulfilling prophecies:

If the student buys your idea that failing one exam will mean the end of their academic aspirations, can you see how they would stop trying? And if they do stop trying, they will in fact, likely bring about the feared outcome!

2)   You have a major argument with our spouse
No matter how rare a disagreement may be, you convince yourself that this is the beginning of the end of your relationship. You imagine them leaving you. And now you are all alone with no prospects for a relationship. Your life is basically ruined.

You begin to prepare for this catastrophe by protecting yourself, putting aside money and looking for love in other places. You distance yourself emotionally from your partner. All of this leads them to eventually leave you.

3)    Your boss chooses someone else over you for an important project.

You conclude that they don’t like you or consider you unfit for the job. Your future at this company is over. Your sacking is imminent, and no amount of hard work will make any difference to the outcome. Your life and dreamed of future is basically history. You will not be able to pay your mortgage, you will lose your house and have to live on the street.

You lose motivation for your job. In desperation, you start looking for other options during working hours and guess what? Your boss notices and lets you go.

Now as we reading the above, the ones that don’t apply to us will seem silly and extreme but hopefully we can recognize how sometimes we also catastrophize.

Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace.
Warm blessings

Marzia  

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Please scroll down for a list of recommended books on building your emotional intelligence
 
 
 
 
 
Lots more resources on living your best self www.marziahassan.com

Have you listened to the podcast yet?
Family Connections Podcast

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns, MD
The good news is that anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem, and other "black holes" of depression can be cured without drugs. In Feeling Good, eminent psychiatrist, David D. Burns, M.D., outlines the remarkable, scientifically proven techniques that will immediately lift your spirits and help you develop a positive outlook on life.

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Dr. Daniel Goleman.
Touching on psychology and neuroscience, the expert on brain and behavioral sciences, Dr. Goleman explains the crucial skills for success offered by emotional intelligence that can determine your success in relationships and work and may impact your overall health.



Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves, and Patrick M. Lencioni.

One of the most famous on this topic, this book is focused more on ways to use EQ to improve your life. You’ll find a step-by-step program for increasing your emotional intelligence that focuses on four core skills: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, along with activities that will help you boost each of these areas.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.
The classic on self-growth, this book remains a top seller and go-to for millions around the world. Taking a less conventional approach to the subject, he isn’t focused on emotional intelligence per se, but rather presents a guide for anyone looking to better understand and control their emotions. The seven habits described in his book all require an awareness and control of emotional intelligence while teaching people how to become more proactive, a big-picture thinker, manage various interaction while building more effective communication.


The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationshipsby Jeanne Segal.
A great
resource for finding information on using emotional intelligence to build better relationships with just about everyone in your life. Segal lays out a simple step-by-step program on how to use five basic tools of emotional intelligence to enhance your relationships through better communication, reading non-verbal cues, and gaining skills at diffusing arguments and conflicts before they get out of hand.


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