[Daily Wisdom #639] Asking others to be grateful can trigger social comparison

Salaams and Good Morning !

Here is your daily dose of Wisdom for Living Your Best Self!

In this day and age, it is easier than ever to compare our lives to others. While comparison may indeed be the thief of joy (as expressed by Theodore Roosevelt) ceasing comparison is much easier said than done.

When we are comparing our lives to others, we sometimes get told to remind ourselves how lucky we are compared to others. This is true, of course. Despite whatever challenges we may be experiencing at the moment, if we have a roof over our heads, food to eat and security of body and soul, we are indeed more blessed than many.

The trouble is that when others tell us how lucky weare it can actually trigger social comparisons. Instead of comparing ourselves to those who have it worse, as they suggest, our mind starts comparing our situation to others who have it better than us.

And of course, we can find PLENTY of "evidence" on social media for those who appear to have it much better than us. Their lives, at least the part of their lives that are presented on social media, appear to be less complicated, messy or painful. They never appear to age. They are forever working out, eating healthy and traveling to places we can only dream of. Their spouses appear to dote on them and their children are the paragons of virtue and success.

So, let’s not be the people who are telling others to be grateful. Let us remind ourselves it is not a good idea to compare our messy inner lives with the edited and polished ones on Instagram but at the same time remember that this kind of helpful advice does not work that well with others.

Let’s practice gratitude ourselves rather than be gratitude pests for others.

Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace.

With gratitude

Marzia

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Please scroll down for a list of recommended books on Gratitude

Lots more resources on living your best self www.marziahassan.com

Have you listened to the podcasts yet?
Family Connections Podcast and Living and Loving the Quran.

Here are some of the episodes on Gratitude:

1) Practicing Gratitude during difficult times

2) Accessing peace through gratitude

3) Developing an attitude of gratitude

4) Exploring Gratitude

Some popular books on Gratitude:

Words of Gratitude for Mind, Body, and Soul by Robert Emmons and Joanna Hill

You will see Robert Emmons’ name several times on this list, and that’s no mistake. Dr. Emmons is a veritable force of nature in gratitude research, with a multitude of books and articles published on the subject.

Words of Gratitude is written in the sweet spot of tones, comfortably in between academic and intimate. While the authors outline some of the major gratitude research, it is described with minimal jargon in clean and simple prose. If you’re looking for a book that will work double duty, teaching you a few new things while also inspiring you to a gratitude-filled life, this is the book for you!

The Psychology of Gratitude by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough

Another favorite from Robert Emmons and fellow researcher extraordinaire Micheal McCullough, this book is perfect for students, professionals, or anyone interested in a more solid foundation in the theory, philosophy, and evidence surrounding gratitude as a psychological construct.

The Psychology of Gratitude draws from multiple perspectives and borrows from multiple fields to put together a comprehensive backstory for this hot research topic. You will learn about the theories behind gratitude, including from an evolutionary perspective, from a moral viewpoint, and even with a focus on physiology.

Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier by Robert Emmons

This is another book that aims to teach and inspire, and judging by the positive reviews, it has succeeded.

The author weaves in a little bit of gratitude research, some perspective from literature, psychology, religion, and anthropology, and finishes it all with a call to action on cultivating gratitude. This is a fantastic read for anyone who is looking to learn more about why gratitude can be such a life-changing addition, and how they can apply gratitude to their own life.

The Gratitude Diaries: How a Year Looking on the Bright Side Can Transform Your Life by Janice Kaplan

This New York Times bestselling book details one woman’s efforts to keep her New Year’s resolution of being more grateful and optimistic. Janice Kaplan, a journalist and the former Editor-in-Chief of Parade magazine, weaves academic research and evidence-based findings in with her own personal journey to present readers with an excellent reason to give gratitude a shot.

This book is an excellent choice for more casual readers interested in gratitude, as the tone is informal and accessible, but it also presents a message that everyone can benefit from receiving. If you’d like to join Kaplan on her gratitude journey, you can find the book on Amazon

Living Life as a Thank You by Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons

In Living Life as a Thank You, authors Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons think you can find a gift in whatever you’re given, even the bad. Saying thank you inspires daily feelings of love, compassion, and hope. This book presents a plan for those who want a little extra Thanksgiving in their lives.

Gratitude Works! by Robert Emmons

If you’re looking for a straightforward guide to cultivating a grateful mindset, Gratitude Works is a good place to start. The book pairs scientific findings with the philosophical, religious and spiritual reasons for gratitude. Full of tips, this book gives actionable steps for becoming more grateful.