Yesterday, we said that the first step in building love and marriage is to study love. Today, let us address a common obstacle in our perception of love: conflict.
Are you scared of conflict? Some of us have been led to believe that conflict is a sign of trouble in a relationship and should be avoided at all costs.
This is a highly unrealistic and sometimes damaging expectation for a long- term relationship. Here’s the surprising truth: happy couples argue too. Research shows that happy couples and families have just as many disagreements and almost as much conflict in their relationships as families who are distressed. The difference lies in how they handle disagreements. [and importantly, how they make up and what they do when they are NOT in conflict].
Avoiding conflict may be a good short-term strategy. But unless you are a saint (!) it is not a good long-term strategy. You are two people with
different personalities and history. OBVIOUSLY, you will disagree, perhaps on many things. On small and big things. This is a sign that you and your marriage are still alive and that you are still engaged with each other. Not acknowledging or addressing conflict in your marriage is not doing your relationship any favours. Unaddressed and unresolved conflict builds up over time and leads to resentment if it is not dealt with.
So, if you want a thriving marriage, avoiding conflict is not option. Learning to fight in a way that does not destroy your relationship is the key to long term relationship health.
I call it Fighting FOR your marriage. Fighting to get your needs met, to address poor behaviour. Fighting for what matters.
Fighting FOR your marriage rather than against each other.
And this is what most couples come to therapy for. While every couple may not be ready for or interested in therapy, there are other ways to learn and practice good conflict resolution skills.
Interested?
Hang on until tomorrow when I will reveal a fun and accessible way that you can work on your relationship skills without spending dollars and hours in therapy!
Wishing you a day full of connection, positivity and peace.
Warm blessings
Marzia
Please share today's newsletter with your friends! They can sign up using this link:
